The Worst Sales Pitch I Ever Overheard (And What It Taught Me About Listening)

There I was—innocently enjoying a quiet lunch with my husband, minding my own business, and deeply invested in the emotional complexity of choosing between the grilled octopus or the blackened mahi mahi—when it happened.

A man in a navy blue blazer (you know the type: loud voice, louder watch) sat down at the table behind me with two unsuspecting individuals. They looked nice. Friendly. Hopeful, even. Maybe they thought they were about to learn something helpful about a product or service. Maybe they thought this lunch would lead to an exciting opportunity. Maybe they thought they’d get to eat in peace.

Oh, sweet summer children.

The man launched into his pitch before his butt hit the seat. Not a handshake. Not a “how are you?” Just full-speed ahead, explaining “value propositions” and “vertical integration” as if he were in the final round of a PowerPoint speed-dating competition.

He didn’t stop.

He didn’t pause.

At one point, I swear, I heard him say, “And that’s just phase one of our three-phase strategic uplift acceleration.”

One of the clients kept opening the menu, closing it, reopening it—anything to mentally escape the verbal assault. The other started drinking water like it was whiskey, with the slow, deliberate sips of a man realizing he might not survive.

The server came by to take their order. The salesman said, “Give us a few more minutes,” and then continued talking. About himself. About his product. About “synergies.” About a time he almost closed a deal with someone from “Shark Tank.”

By the time their food arrived, the air in the restaurant had shifted. Diners were visibly agitated. The couple next to me asked for their check before appetizers arrived. The two ladies near the window put in a to-go order for dessert. Even the kitchen staff peered out to see who was singlehandedly causing the Yelp score to drop.

And the salesman? Still going.

No questions. No curiosity. No listening.

Just a one-man show no one bought tickets for.

The Real Lesson Here

Sales isn’t about talking. It’s about listening.

That lunch-table hostage situation was a masterclass in what not to do. The greatest salespeople don’t steamroll their prospects—they study them. They ask thoughtful questions. They listen for clues. They wait for the right story to tell, not the first one they memorized from a brochure.

Because if you don’t take time to understand someone’s problems, goals, or even what they want for lunch, you’ll end up delivering a TED Talk no one asked for—about a product no one needs.

You’ll end up telling the wrong story.

And trust me, the wrong story told loudly is just noise—and nobody wants to sign a contract with noise.

Final Thoughts

That day, I learned two things:

1. The blackened mahi mahi is excellent.

2. If you’re doing all the talking in a sales meeting, chances are the deal’s already dead.

So next time you’re sitting down with a client, remember: be a listener first, and a storyteller second.

Or you might just find your prospects—and half the restaurant—taking their business (and their calamari) to go.